Another week has gone by. I am struggling with focus. I seem to be all over the place this week. I cannot focus on anything longer than 5 minutes if that. Yes, that also means my sittings are not going well. Frustrations are in full bloom.
I must say my life is definitely changing for the better. This is my second time going through MKMMA. Before I started MKMMA the first time, I really was all over the board. I could not even focus to put things away, now I am putting things away. Now after taking the first time, My house started getting cleaner and cleaner. I had a garage sale last weekend, was able to get rid of lots of stuff. So now I am packing things of what didn’t sell to give away and gather other stuff from the house to get ready for next year. It is so rewarding to me having garage sales, I am able to help so many families out with things they cannot otherwise afford. They pay what they can afford, they get what they need, and I get rid of things I don’t need. A win – win.
My subconscious is arguing with me this week. It knows what to do but my energy level Is fighting with my subconscious. My subconscious knows what is wants to be, is willing to change, but I have these negative surroundings that pull me away from where my subconscious is going. I have problems finding the words to explain where the subconscious is doing.
Since the first of the year, I have been struggling first with the flu then a virus. Still doctoring with this shit……………But I must stay I am moving forward in my journey. I made a commitment to complete something I have not done since my auto accident back in February 2011. With MKMMA I was not sure what I had accomplished in my life and what I had not accomplished.
I was not sure if I should do this or not. So in January when I started feeling better after the flu, I met a business partner that was looking for a companion to travel to Miami, with. To share a room and handout with. I like the person and choose to make the commitment. I told her I don’t feel comfortable traveling so together with the help of each other we should do good.
When on line together booking our flights, I was very calm, not nervous like in the past years. Really didn’t think anything of it, I made the commitment to get on a airplane and fly to Miami, Florida. It was exactly five years to the day of my travel.
I must say while traveling to the airport with my daughter, I was a little nervous driving on the freeway where five years earlier, I lost control of the car and ended up in the hospital. But as soon as we passed the area, I was calm again, looking forward to the trip. The weather was bad, snow blizzard but still felt very calm and in control of me……I could go on and on as the flight was delayed, we didn’t arrive in Miami until the next day 18 hours later then what we were suppose to, AND still I felt very calm and in control looking forward to the good time with business partners and learning about this fantastic business I was building.
There were so many first that happened on this trip. I was able to go out and walk by myself, go to the rest room by my self.
The only thing I really need to work on is Me taking care of Me. I left myself get run down. Ended up with a virus and now on the end of three weeks and just now starting to feel myself but yet tire so very easy.
But other then that I have learned so much in this journey.
Again I struggle with illness. Have been under the weather for the whole week. I didn’t do much of anything all week. It took a lot of energy just to read my assignment. Must confess I didn’t read it with the enthusiasm I should have or the number of times I should have. As sick as I was, I felt guilty for not doing what I wanted to do. So I allowed myself to rest, sleep and get better.
I am pleased for the choices I have made.
I give myself permission. Permission to have feelings, to do this or that. It took a very long time to give myself permission to…
I didn’t know that I had a block in my life until this exercise. and it did take several weeks before I realize it was this permission that I was missing all a long.
Now that I have given myself permission, I am happy with my life. Yes I still have my struggles but as a rule I am so much happier with my life. I am more content with my inner self.
Kindness was the Virtue this week. It was fun with the challenge with Mark. It is really funny how you don’t see something and then when you think about it, focus on it, you see it everywhere.
Kindness, When thinking about it I found that I do more kindness during the day then I thought I did. It was awesome. Last week virtue (enthusium) seemed to be controlled by my actions for then Kindness. Kindness was so much easier to see during the week.
I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and Happy.
On the Franklin Make-over. My first virtue I chose is Enthusiasm. This is something I struggle with often. I am working on this virtue this week. As the week goes on I find when my energy is down, my enthusiasm drops. I am starting this week to work on my energy and enthusiasm.
Being this was a very busy week with my boys, naturally the energy was an issue.
I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and Happy.
The strangest Secret in the world. I was introduced to the 100 individuals who worked 45 years and saw the results some 15 years ago. I really hit home back then and now listening to it again really, really struck me.
This is the week after Christmas, I continue to have the Christmas blues. I went shopping for the grandkids, having a hard time getting excited for our family christmas party. Friday was the day, went over to my daughter and son-in-laws house for dinner. Must admit I was not looking forward to it. but I put my simile on my face and went. The energy in the air was so different then it has been in the past. We had the best dinner and gathering in years. Now was it me and how much I changed or was it my son-in-laws attitude toward the day. Either way it was a great day.
The holidays, the last four or five years have not been good for me. I struggle with depression during this time. The reason, I have no idea why….. but it happens. This year my shoulders are hurting so bad, that there are days I just wanted to cry. and decorating you need your arms, arms connected to your shoulders and the cycle of pain. So as I am writing this down, my subby is relating pain with the holidays. I need to do something about that, relax the arms more, maybe a massage to help my body relax as I struggle to relax.
I did have three business appointments during this time, as long as I didn’t focus on the holidays I was fine, in a very nice mood, as happy as can be.
Out of all the activities, the Gal in the Glass seems to resinate the best for me. She can always lift me up when I am down. Reading this is the first time, my focus has been on me and how I feel and not on how other people in my life feel when I do something.
Yes, I do struggle as I am going through MKMMA. BUT I am doing much better then I could if I didn’t have MKMMA. My home life as a care-provider is doing better, The better I am handling it, the better Larry is handling it. He is starting to talk to me regarding his forgetfulness, we are learning together, Is his memory doing better, will not know until our appointment in January. But talking about it is an improvement. He is not hiding it from me.
Dad’s situation with his legal battle — the girls basically didn’t respond to his letter and tells everyone it’s a mistake. So dad has filed a report with the county. He is pushing forward for what belongs to him. I am proud of him for standing to his guns and not letting any one talk him out of it. Now I just need to support him. His health, he had another procedure for a stent, they could not open the vessel to put in a stent. He has a small complication but we got through it. Think it scared him so He isn’t going any further with more stents. again I need to support him.
My business, the last two weeks I have moved forward with growing my business. I have been involved with the same company for 15 years and always something, mostly my health, Larry’s health, mother’s sickness and then death, and so on has been in the way of working it. I work it, but not being persistent really made a difference. Now with MKMMA and the help of two senior business partners. I am being persistent and taking tiny steps, spending at least 5 productive hours a week, I am moving forward. and very happy about it. FINNALLY
This week started out good. and has been up and down all week. I am so glad I have MKMMA to help me during these times. Or I probably would have ended up in bed for the whole week. It is so sad when family members take advantage of your parents for the last 15-20 years, then dad finds proof that they managed to steel over 500,000.00 dollars from him and mom. You give them a chance to redeem themselves. And they decide not to respond to my father. Now dad is taking legal action. Family is diffidently split now and they will probably spend some jail time. Really takes you down just thinking about it. And of course I worry about my dad as he has health issues and wonder how this will effect his health.
I booked three appointments for my business, and scheduled to in home invents, so I was able to bounce back.
Reading the Master Keys, I read number 35, the quote from the bible, :whatsoever things ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye received them and ye shall have them:” helped me get through my week.